Sometimes the software that writes random-English spam creates something approaching poetry. I loved the title of the message I got today:
As a new in the shower, holds a planet Anacreon Has the palace
The Anacreon there in the middle creates a delicious effect.
Childbearing is the most feminist activity that exists, because it is the one activity where the women indisputably excel the men.
I’ve seen various versions of this over the years. This one has the distinction of being translated from Romanian, as Larisa sent it to me.
How many Calvinists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. If the bulb is predestined to be changed, it’ll change itself.
How many Orthodox does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Change? What change? That light bulb was put here by the Holy Apostles!
How many Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. We use candles.
How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
One, because his hands are already in the air.
How many Charistmatics does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten: one to change the bulb and nine to bind the spirit of darkness.
How many Fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The old bulb is very nice, and we have no reason to change it according to the standards of the world.
How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
What’s a light bulb?
How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
THE BIBLE DOESN’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT LIGHT BULBS!
It’s Halloween, the night when all sorts of foul and uncouth things come out to play, so it seems like a good time to unveil something I’ve been working on for a while:
In these latter days, it becomes more and more important to know if our family, friends, and neighbors might be the Antichrist. Since everybody knows that numerology is the one infallible means for finding out who is the Antichrist, a simple web-page is capable of declaring with absolute certainty who is and is not an Antichrist.
Which brings me to my next point… I am the Antichrist. Is anyone surprised?
Twin pop stars with angelic looks are new face of racism. And here is their band website.
Am I supposed to be outraged by this? Because actually, it strikes me as something out of an SNL sketch. They’re so… cute! Really, who is threatened by 13-year old girls singing lines like these:
I see you all around me. I see the apathy in your eyes, knowing not what it means to be free, watching as the White flame dies.
It means nothing to you, Pride is an unknown trait. Tell me what are you gonna do run and hide or face the hate?
To every man who doesn’t dream, I am the Dreamer. To every man who doesn’t believe, I’m the Believer. To every man who doesn’t Receive. I’m the receiver. To every man who refuses to bleed, I will bleed for you.
Awwww.
If the white supremacist movement has stooped to teenybopper pop, then I don’t think we have anything to worry about. For example, what kind of racial violence could these girls inflict? Whack some lesser races with a handbag? Threaten them with lip gloss?
Here’s a feel-good family film for everyone to enjoy: Shining. Wholesome!
(If you don’t get it, these scenes are actually from this film. But having to explain the joke makes it so much less funny.)
In Romania, measuring cups are generally marked in grams.
A moment’s thought reveals this to be absurd. A gram is a unit of mass, while a measuring cup is a device to measure volume. You cannot measure mass by volume unless the density of the substance so measured is known–and for most of the things you will measure with a measuring cup (flour, sugar, milk, oil) you do not know the density. A measuring cup marked in grams may be a kitchen staple, but it is nonetheless a mistake, like a scale that purports to measure height or a speedometer that measures altitude.
I happen to know that the “grams” marked are in fact grams of water, for which 500ml is equal to 500g. However, I can’t help but cringe when some Romanian recipe calls for “500g flour”, when what they want is not really half a kilogram, but merely 500 ml, which is much, much less.
So… purple.
I’m not sure how I feel about the purple. It has it good points, but I might get rid of it.
And I’m mad at Firefox. Both IE and Safari correctly display the little papyrus fragment to the right of the text, but Firefox insists on putting it a line below and to the right. This makes me angry.
The papyrus image I’m using right now is crap. I’ll make one later with a real image editor and make it look nice. But now it’s late and I’m going to bed.
UPDATE: So now I have the new image, which is actually the same image after it’s been put through a real photo editor to make it look purty. Plus now I’m using a slightly different color of purple.
I’m Karl Barth:
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You scored as Karl Barth. The daddy of 20th Century theology. You perceive liberal theology to be a disaster and so you insist that the revelation of Christ, not human experience, should be the starting point for all theology.
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I’m not sure how I feel about being Barth. There are plenty of worse things, though: I’m happy to see that Finney was dead last.